


Torn

by shippingthebullshit



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Mpreg, Omegle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 02:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shippingthebullshit/pseuds/shippingthebullshit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam bit his lip, not sure how to react. "U-uh, okay.... wh-what are you saying Zayn?" He managed, his mind racing, his breath becoming shallow. He was a bit nervous to hear the answer.</p><p>Zayn took hold of Liam's hand. He took another breath to calm himself down, and simply said, "Li, I’m pregnant."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Torn

**Author's Note:**

> So this was the product of a late night RP that's been sat on One Direction Fanfiction and tumblr until I was invited here. It's Unbeta'd, so there's heaps of grammatical errors, but i can't (won't) be arsed into fixing them.

Zayn turned around in their bed from his 'little spoon' position to face his boyfriend, pulling him in close so that he could feel Liam's breath on his lips. "Liam, I'm going to tell you something, and I need you to react calmly, sanely, and as level headed as you can, okay?" Zayn asked hesitantly.

"A-anything for you..." Liam breathed, looking into those dark brown eyes. He was a bit nervous, not sure what Zayn would have to say...

"Liam, have you ever heard of something called a carrier?"

Liam shook his head, looking at the boy with confusion in his eyes. "No..." He trailed off, his nerves causing his stomach to churn.

Zayn took a deep breath and continued. He didn't want to have to tell Liam, but his boyfriend deserved to know. "Li, it's a male who's- in every sense of the word- able to carry children." He looked into his loving boyfriend's eyes, hoping for understanding.

Liam bit his lip, not sure how to react. "U-uh, okay.... wh-what are you saying Zayn?" He managed, his mind racing, his breath becoming shallow. He was a bit nervous to hear the answer.

Zayn took hold of Liam's hand. He took another breath to calm himself down, and simply said, "Li, I’m pregnant." Zayn said, his gaze never leaving their hands.

Liam didn't believe what he had just heard. "Wh-what? N-no that's not possible... it, it can't be..." He said, his mind going a million miles an hour. "I-I just, I don't believe that could h-happen, with us... Cou-could it?" He said quickly, his heart raced, his palms becoming sweaty.

Zayn turned away from Liam, not being able to process everything so fast. He knew this was going to go badly, but he had to tell him. This just wasn't something you could keep from your boyfriend. "Yes." Was his simple reply. The tears were falling freely now, and his body was wracking with sobs.

"Zayn, Zayn, please look at me," Liam begged, wrapping his arms around his crying boyfriend's waist. "I'm not angry... I just, I'm shocked. I never thought that... That we could ever, but now," He sighed, pulling Zayn so he was looking at Liam. "Now it's happened. Just, give me a bit to process this... I'm not mad... How could I be angry with you? Look at you babe.... I love you. You have to know that. I love you..."

Zayn rolled around to face Liam, wiping tears away, but still having them fall. "Li, i.. I found out a month and a half ago... I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid.." Zayn looked at Liam's shirt hem, fiddling with it to distract the younger boy.

"Oh, Zayn..." Liam whispered. "Please look at me?" He begged, taking the older boy's hands in his own. "Please? You need to hear this..."

Zayn looked up slowly into his boyfriend's eyes, feeling very coddled all of a sudden. "Li?"

"I love you. And our son/daughter that you're carrying. I always will. No matter what. I'm not mad. I get that you would be scared. I'm just glad you told me now..." He said. He leaned down, kissing the dark haired boy softly.

Zayn kissed back, rather wetly. "I'm sorry, Li. I really am. It's all my fault too. I ruined our lives because I told you it would be perfectly fine not to wear a condom 'one time.'"

“Babe... it's not ruined. How the hell could anything be ruined? We're gonna have a kid. Have a family.... It will take some adjusting, but we will get through this..." He said, rubbing Zayn's back reassuringly. "We will..."

Zayn only shook his head. "No, Li. You don't understand. There's a 65% chance that I could die. There's a 75% chance that the baby could die, and a 55% chance that BOTH of us could die."

"Z-Zayn....." He whispered. He felt the tears well up in his eyes, but forced them to not fall. He had to be strong for Zayn. He had to. "It'll be okay..." he pulled Zayn to his chest, burring his face in Zayn's hair. "I promise..."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Li." Zayn managed through his now renewed sobs. He buried his face into Liam's chest and gripped onto his shirt with vigor.

"I will keep this one," Liam said sternly. "I can't lose you.... I can't! Yo-you are the reason I'm still around...."

Zayn shot up from his hiding place as soon as Liam had the words out of his mouth. "Wh-What?"

"What do you mean?" Liam asked, not realizing what he had just said.

"What do you mean, 'I'm the reason you're still around?" Zayn asked as he took Liam's face into his hands.

"J-just that, erm...." he said quietly. "I-I, mean..." he didn't want to tell Zayn. Not now. Not with all that is happening...

"Liam. Tell me. Now." Zayn said forcefully. He knew it was the only way he would get it out of him.

"I-I used to cut Zayn.... I nearly committed suicide..." he said quietly, his eyes not meeting Zayn's. "I-I still have the scars...."

Zayn sucked in a breath. No. He refused to believe it. Not his strong level head boyfriend. Not the one that kept them all sane. No. It just... No. "Let me see." Where had that come from?

Liam bit his lip, not looking at Zayn. He pulled off his shirt, revealing his wrists and neck. The many silvery-white scars, raised on his skin.

Zayn reached out hesitantly, almost as though he was asking Liam if it was okay. "Li, why did you do this?"

"I-I couldn't take it much longer... the stress." He whispered, his eyes screwed shut. "I-I had to be the practical one, I had to keep everyone under control, and I loved you... I didn't think you would ever love me back... I just, I couldn't take it anymore.. I became numb. I needed to know I was still alive... I could still feel...."

"Oh, Li." Zayn sighed as he trace a particularly nasty scar from Liam's left collar bone to his right peck.

Liam didn't look, he didn't speak, he didn't move. He sat, still as a statue, his eyes shut tightly...

"Open your eyes, love." Zayn said softly. "Look at me."

Liam slowly opened his eyes, the tears, sliding down silently. He looked at Zayn, afraid that he would never love him again. Not after this. Not after this timing.....

"You are." A kiss to a scar. "The most." kiss. "Beautiful, kind, caring, sincere person I have EVER met." kiss. "You know that I love you more than anything in the world." kiss. "Why, on earth, would you ever think that I didn't love you." Kiss. "You have been pegged for so long as the strong one of the band, it wouldn't have killed you to ask for help." Zayn said as he kissed Liam's tears from under his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Liam whispered, more tears falling. "So, so sorry.... I love you Zayn... I love you. I c-can't lose you..."

"You won't loose me, Li. I'll try, so hard for you." Zayn said. "I love you, so much."

Liam nodded, hugging Zayn tightly to his bare, scared chest. He kissed the boy with all he had, never wanting to let go. Never wanting the moment to end.

***Three months***

"Li-Liam?" Zayn called from his place beside the toilet. "Liam? Are you home?"

Liam rushed to where Zayn was, having just walked in the door. "I'm here babe, what's wrong? What's happening?" He asked quickly, panic rushing through him.

In answer to his question, Zayn bent over the toilet and was immediately sick. He raised his head up slowly afterwards and wiped his mouth on an old Jack Willis jumper.

"Sh-shit," Liam whispered. He had no idea what to do. "How can I help you? Tell me, I-I'm sorry babe, I don't know what to do...." He said quickly. This was a first, and it was scary for the both of them.

"Just, can you get me a blanket, or two? And, maybe a glass of water?" Zayn asked in a quiet voice.

Liam nodded, rushing off to grab two blankets from the bedroom and then grabbing a glass of water from the kitchen. He rushed back to Zayn's side, his hands shaking slightly.

"Th-thanks, Li. You're the best." Zayn replied shakily.

"Anything for you..." Liam said, sitting down next to Zayn, wrapping him in the blankets, then pulling him onto his lap. He hugged the boy tightly, wanting to make Zayn feel better so badly, but knowing he could do nothing.

As Zayn drank his water slowly, he couldn't help but think when things had all gone so wrong.

Liam looked at Zayn, seeing that he was thinking. "What are you thinking, babe?" He whispered, hugging Zayn even tighter.

"Oh, nothing." Zayn said quickly.

"Tell me..." Liam begged. "You know you can tell me anything. Please?"

"It's just.. When did everything get so crazy, Li."

"Crazy?" Liam said quietly, not quite sure what Zayn was getting at.

"When did we become the responsible ones? When did we become the ones not knowing how much time we had left together or if we were going to have a baby or not? I don't like it Li. I don't like it at all."

Liam sighed heavily. "When we decided to be together, we became responsible. When we fell in love, we didn't know how long we would have together, when you told me the truth, we decided on a baby..." He said quietly, but confidently. "I know you don't like it babe. I don't either, but look at us. We're still in love... That's a good sign..."

Zayn started to cry. He couldn't help it. This was just too overwhelming. "Liam. I.. I'm so scared."

"Shh," Liam said, pulling Zayn to his chest. "I know... I know. I'm here.. Nothing is going to happen. I'm here." He whispered, rubbing Zayn's back in soothing circles. "I'm here..."

***Four months***

Liam walked into the flat, after a long night out with the boys. He needed a distraction. It's been pretty stressful at home... he thought one night would be okay.

Zayn looked up from his place on the couch, hoping to God it was Liam.

"Hey Zayn..." Liam said quietly. He probably smelt of alcohol and cigarettes from the bar, and he couldn't help but feel a bit guilty.

"Li?" Zayn asked as he sat up. He could smell cigarettes and a hint of vodka, and he wondered if Liam had been drinking.

"Yeah babe?" Liam asked, walking a bit closer after hanging up his jacket.

"Why do you smell like that?" Was all Zayn got out before he was rushing into the bathroom and hurling up the contents of his stomach.

"Shit..." Liam said, following Zayn to the bathroom. "I was out, at the bar... I'm so sorry," He said, standing down the hall from his now sick boyfriend. "I'm so sorry babe..."

Zayn dry heaved for another solid 5 minutes before he was able to answer him. "It's okay, Li. You didn't know it would make me sick. Did you have fun?" Zayn asked.

"I guess..." He said, feeling incredibly guilty. He ran his fingers through his messy hair, his eyes trained on the floor.

"Liam, it's okay. I know you have to be bored out of your mind, only sitting at the flat doing nothing but lounging around with me all day. You deserve to go out every once in a while." Zayn said as he heaved himself off the floor. He ran some water in the sink and brushed his teeth to get the vomit taste out of it.

"I'm not bored babe... I just, I'm nervous... I don't know what to do. You know I just want to spend as much time as you as I can..."

Zayn looked down dejectedly. Of course Liam would want to spend time with him. There was almost a one hundred percent chance that he would die.

"Oh, shit, Zayn, I didn't mean it like that..." He said, rushing to Zayn's side, only to think twice, backing away due to his smell. "I just meant I love hanging around you..."

"No, no, it's okay. You.. You have a right to be... Worried." Zayn said stiffly.

"Oh, babe, I love you okay? I love you so, so much," Liam said. "Let me go shower, then I will cuddle with you? Okay?"

"No, I think.. I think I’ll just go to bed. I'm feeling a bit tired actually. Night." Zayn said, walking towards their bedroom without so much as even a goodnight kiss.

Liam sighed heavily. He was continually messing this up now. "Night..." He said, and he walked to the shower. He jumped in, letting the hot water run over him, letting his mind wander, thinking about what would have happened if Zayn never got pregnant...

***five months***

Liam walked into the bedroom the two shared. "Zayn?" He whispered. Zayn had been very quiet lately. Not talking to Liam unless he had to. "Zayn you up babe?"

Zayn laid there, completely stiff, choosing not to hear Liam's words at all.

"Zayn... why won't you talk to me?" Liam said, trying to figure out what was up with his boyfriend. "Please? I just want to know you're okay..."

Zayn refused to move. Maybe if he stayed still enough, he could get away with still being asleep...

"Alright, I'm sorry..." Liam said, not knowing what else he could say. He shut the door, and went to the living room. He sat on the couch, wondering what he had done wrong....

Zayn rolled over and groaned, knowing he would have to face his boyfriend sometime, he just didn't know how he would be able to do it... To tell Liam that his survival chances had gone down 30% in the last two weeks... He just couldn't do it.

Liam paced, unable to be still. His mind was racing... thinking of all the worst things he could, unfortunately. He finally couldn't take it, and began to get angry. He pulled at his hair, threw pillows, and started to yell curse words at nothing...

Zayn sat up at the sound of things breaking and Liam cursing. He ran out into the lounge room and suddenly saw a very broken Liam. "Li! Liam!!" Zayn yelled. He grabbed Liam's arms and pushed him down onto the couch.

Liam had broken down into tears, he still struggled in Zayn's grip, yelling, not knowing what to do. He was reaching his limit. To add to that, Zayn wouldn't speak to him. He needed to know what to do, how to handle the situation. He couldn't take it much longer, and he was beginning to miss his blade....

Zayn felt Liam lunge against him, and he knew exactly what he was doing. "No, Li. No. You can't go back to it. You can't. Please Li I need you. I'm sorry, I need you."

At that, Liam's body went weak. He heard the pain in Zayn's voice. He looked into those dark brown eyes, and let more tears fall. "I'm so sorry," he choked out, hugging the boy tightly. "I'm so, so sorry. I should be strong for you... for us... I-I'm failing you... I'm so sorry..." he said.

"Shh, Li. Shh. It's okay. I need you though... Liam. I only have a 5% chance at surviving now. I'm .. I'm going to die Li. For sure."

At that, Liam burst into sobs. He couldn't help it. Zayn was all he had. Zayn was his reason to stay. If he left, Liam wouldn't be far behind. "I-I need you too Zayn... You can't die.... I-I won't let you... Please, please stay, for me..." He begged. He couldn't help but feel guilty for asking Zayn to comfort him at this moment. That was beyond weak of him...

Zayn sobbed. He couldn't help it. "Li, I wish I could. I really wish I could."

"You will..." He said, hugging Zayn tightly. "You have to... I will die without you... I-I can't do anything without you... I need you... I love you...."

"I love you too Li."

"Please, don't ever leave my side.... Please..." Liam begged. "I-I don't trust myself... not without you..."

"I'll try Li. I'll try so hard."

***Six Months***

Liam Sat on the couch, hugging Zayn tightly. "I love you," he whispered in Zayn's ear. "I love you.... So much"

Zayn had been put to bed rest, in hopes that he could save what little energy he had for the baby. "I love you too Li. So much."

Liam never left Zayn's side, unless it was for food. He couldn't. He knew Zayn needed him, and he needed Zayn. He buried his face in Zayn's hair, smiling softly.

"Li?" Zayn asked after a moment.

"Yeah babe?" Liam replied, worry taking over his mind.

Zayn took a deep breath. "If I die. Will you bury me next to my Mum?" Zayn asked, looking into Liam's eyes.

Liam couldn't find his voice, his eyes tearing up. He simply nodded, looking into those sparkling brown eyes. He felt a tear slide down his cheek, and bit his lip to hold back a sob.

"No. No, no, no, no. Shh, don't cry Li, I’m sorry." Zayn said as he wiped away Liam's tears.

"Don't be sorry Zayn.. I love you... okay. I just, I feel like I can't say that enough... time is running out. I love you. I will do anything you want. Anything. Just ask okay. Talk to me about anything, everything. Please..."

"What color will you paint the baby's nursery?" Zayn asked.

"Blue..." He said simply, choosing not to except the fact that Zayn said you instead of we. "Blue for sure. Boy or girl..."

"What about yellow? I've always like yellow..." Zayn said

***7 Months***

"Zayn?" Liam whispered, looking at the sleeping figure next to him. "You still asleep babe?"

Zayn rolled over to face Liam. "What is it Li?"

"Just wanted to hear your voice..." he whispered.

Zayn groaned. "Li, it's half two. Couldn't you have waited?" Zayn said rather harshly.

"No..." He whispered, feeling a bit bad. "I'm sorry, I just, I'm starting to worry.."

"I know, and I'm sorry Liam. It's just getting to me. It's starting to get scarier and scarier with each passing day."

“I know... I know Zayn," He said. He wrapped his arms around Zayn's waist, pulling him close. "It'll be okay. I'm here... it will be okay." Liam didn't believe that fully, and he knew Zayn didn't either. He just didn't know what else he could say.

"It won't, Li. Nothing will ever be okay again."

Liam felt the tears at that statement. He hated himself for knowing it was most likely true. "D-don't say that. Just, don't. Let me love you right now, and love me back. Just, don't tell me that you will ever have to leave.... please...."

"I-I can't Li. I hate to say it, but I only have two more months. I only have two more months left to love you."

"Just love me then..." He said quietly. "Just love me more than you ever did before..."

***8 Months***

Zayn was getting worse, and all Liam could do was stand by and watch. He couldn't help him in any way. He sat at the foot of the bed, looking at the now pale boy.

"Li- Liam. Could you get me another... Another blanket." Zayn asked in a voice barely above a whisper. He was shivering from the cold, with one hand wrapped around his protruding stomach and the other wrapped in a grip of death in Liam's hand.

Liam jumped at Zayn's words, rushing to get another blanket and laying it over Zayn, taking his hand once again. "Ca-can I help at all?" He whispered painfully. He wanted to just take that pain away from him more than anything in the world.

"S-Stay." Was all that Zayn could manage

Liam nodded, holding Zayn's hand tightly. "Always..." He replied softly.

Zayn drifted off to sleep, but not before uttering, " Love you, Li."

*** 9 months***

"Zayn?" Liam whispered. He had been moved to the hospital, due to the situation, and Liam had never left his side.

Zayn didn't move. He didn't acknowledge Liam's presence, the only thing that even noted that he was still alive were the ragged breaths and the steady beep, beep of the heart monitor.

"I don't know if you're awake, or if you can hear me. I just, I want you to know.. I'm here. I'm not leaving... and I love you. You're strong. I know that. You can fight through this if you really want to. I don't want to lose you.... I need you..." He whispered, tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

Zayn slowly began to move. It was as though Liam's voice had roused him from his fitful slumber. "Li?" Zayn managed to croak out.

”I'm here Zayn.... I'm here..." He said quietly, rubbing his hand in soothing circles.

"I... I.. Love you..Li... Love.. you.." Zayn murmured

"I love you too Zayn. I love you so much," he said, tears sliding down his cheeks.

Zayn drew in a shaky breath as he closed his eyes slowly. With one last ragged breath, the heart monitor went from pulsing to a steady line.

"Zayn..." Liam said, the tears coming in a flood. "Zayn? Zayn! Wake up! Please! Dammit! Please wake up!" He yelled, sobbing. He shook his lifeless body, tears blurring his vision. "Zayn you fucker this isn't funny! I need you" He screamed. Nurses and doctors flooded the room... pulling Liam away from the now lifeless boy.

After Liam was sent away, the nurses and doctors tried everything in their means to try and revive Zayn, but it was to late. He was gone. They managed to save the baby though, a healthy baby boy with Zayn's coloring and eyes and Liam's beautiful face.

Liam was broken. He knew he had to stay for the baby though. He took him home, painted the room yellow, as Zayn wanted. He would never be the same... It was hard. Sleeping alone, raising the boy alone. He knew he had to stay. He knew it. He didn't want to, but he knew Zayn would kill him if he left their son...

The funeral was hard on all the boys, but it was especially hard for Liam. Of course, as anyone would expect, Liam told everyone just how much in love he was with his boyfriend. Though it didn't make a difference now. He still felt as though it was his fault, as though he could have done things differently.

He looked at Louis and Harry after the funeral. "Look, I don't know how to say this, but you guys have to take care of Zephyr for me...." He said quietly. He handed them his son. "Please. I can't do this anymore. I can't go on. Not without him...."

"Li, look. You have to do this. It's what Zayn would have wanted. You know that." Harry said as he placed a reassuring hand on Liam's shoulder.

"I can't.... Harry do you know what it's liked to live in that house now. Alone. He's gone. He's not coming back! I-I can't. I'm breaking, and I don't want our son to see that... He, he can't grow up with a broken father...."

"Liam, no one expects you to mend completely. Especially not in the span of a few days, but you have to go on. Zephyr needs you, and he needs at least one of his real parents. You have to do this for him. If not, do it for Zayn. What was the last thing he asked you? What was his last request?" Louis asked harshly, grabbing Liam by the shoulders and shaking him gently.

At that, Liam burst into tears. Zayn had been so weak. So fragile. He hadn't said much in those few days, but he did ask him to stay. To not leave their son behind. He knew Louis was right. "I-I don't know how I can do this Lou! Not alone! He always knew what to do! What to say! Now, look at me. I'm covered in scars, and more will come.... How can I do this without him?!"

"You're strong Li, strong enough to get through this. I'm sure tough times will come. Like when Zephyr takes his first steps or, when he says his first words, but you'll get through it. I know it's going to hurt, I’m not saying it won't, but you need to be strong for Zeph. Even if he does look exactly like Z.”

"He's gone...." He whispered, looking back at the grave. "I loved him... He would want to see those things... First steps, a first word... first anything..... Now.... he can't..."

Louis gripped Liam tight and guided him towards the car. "Li, you've got to be dad enough for the both of you. You have to be. Zephyr’s counting on you."

Liam sighed heavily, tears sliding down his cheeks. "All I can do is try...."

Louis wiped away the tears. "All you can do is try."

***First steps***

"Oh, god," Liam said, watching his son stand up. He pulled out his phone, recording the moment. Tears filled his eyes, as he watched, thinking, 'if only Zayn were here.'

“You’re doing a great job Zeph! A great job. You’re daddy would be so proud of you.” Liam said with tears filling his eyes.

***First Word***

“Dada.” It was quiet and it was almost unintelligible, but it was a real word, and Liam couldn’t have been more proud of his son in that moment.

***First day of school***

Liam cried. He couldn’t even take Zephyr to his first day of school because he was crying so hard. He called Niall and had him take his son. He went to Zayn’s grave for the first time since the funeral that day. Got down on one knee and told him that he’d love him forever. He left a note for Niall saying where he was, because he knew he would never be able to drive himself after he was done. He was right.

***First Boyfriend***

It was almost a given that Zephyr would be gay. Liam also knew he was a carrier, so he made strict notice that he was to always, no matter what, top his partner. So when he brought his first serious boyfriend home to meet Liam, Liam couldn’t stress enough the seriousness of the situation to his boyfriend, Kyle.

“Kyle, have you ever wondered where the second parent of our household was?”

“Yes sir. Zeph told me that his dad died when he was younger. He said he was a carrier. Does that mean that Zephyr is a carrier as well?” Liam nodded. Kyle shrunk down into a chair and buried his face in his hands.

“I love him, Mr. Payne. So much it hurts sometimes, you know?” Kyle had asked him seriously.

“Yeah, I do Kyle. I know exactly what it feels like.”

***Wedding***

Kyle and Zephyr were married in the spring two years after they started dating.

It was a beautiful wedding, and Liam would never forget it.

***Baby***

Liam wasn’t happy. He wasn’t happy at all. When Zephyr had told him he was pregnant, Liam couldn’t have been any angrier at Kyle. After all, he knew what the chances were of Zephyr dying, and he didn’t want to loose the last little piece of Zayn he had.

“Kyle, I just want you to know, that if he dies, I won’t be able to live. He’s the last piece of Zayn I have, and.. I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Liam had said.

Zephyr did die though. In his third trimester, leaving Kyle mourning with a beautiful baby girl named Zephyn Rose.

Liam died three nights later from a heart attack. Or at least, that’s what the death certificate said. His friends and family knew it was from a broken heart. Because a heart can only be broken so many times before it’s finally torn apart.


End file.
